In a veritable sneak attack on the American people, the FDA pushed through Monsanto’s Turkey-Mammoth Hybrid. This happened while most people were distracted by the annual tradition of glut and overconsumption that is Thanksgiving and Black Friday. “Honestly, we should have seen this coming” relented Sylvester Butterball, president of the group The Responsible BioHacking Project. “Last year when Monsanto essentially stole a sample from the discovery in Siberia we knew they were up to something devious.” Butterball of course was referring to the discovery of a nearly fully intact Woolly Mammoth in 2013. The incident went largely unreported when Monsanto strong-armed their way into the exhibition hall in Japan where the 39,000 year old mammoth, named “Yuka,” was being displayed. The controversial multinational corporation had successful filed a patent for the genes of Yuka shortly after “their” discovery. Monsanto says this is simply scientific progress and that the bird is perfectly safe for human consumption. “This new and improved turkey is what American tradition is all about,” says former Monsanto Vice President and current Deputy Commissioner for Food at the FDA, Michael Taylor. “We’ve, uh… I mean they’ve been able to deliver exactly what the people of this country want and have come to expect: totally unreasonable excess.” The GM turkey is approximately 376 percent larger than traditional feedlot turkeys which are typically fed corn and soy. One protester from The Responsible Biohacking Project confronted Taylor saying, “turkeys should be free range and be able to feed on bugs and grass! This is an abomination!” Taylor responded, “free range? Our mammoth turkeys eat free-range turkeys for breakfast. No really. That’s what they eat.” No word on what other plans Monsanto has for the mammoth patent but some insiders leaked that Christmas ham might next be in their sights. We’ll keep you posted as the story develops. In the meantime please help raise awareness by spreading this article far and wide. Let’s let Monsanto and the FDA know that we are paying attention. What do YOU think? Would you try this mammoth franken-turkey? Let us know in the comments below. This video shows Monsanto goons stealing Yuka the Mammoth in 2014. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7PKX2miV9rs]]>
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