Synchronize. Why You Feel You Don’t Fit In (For Highly Sensitive People). Truth or dare? Truth. If you want to experience connection, you need to be okay with feeling vulnerable.
Hey, Karina here with Synchronize Within. This video is for you if you have trouble connecting with others, you’ve been isolating yourself far too long, and for the most part, you feel disconnected from the world around you. For a long time, I believe that if you’re real and open with someone, you would lose them. For me, there were a few times when I was young or I was real and honest with friends, and it ended our relationship. Slowly, a belief started to form that if I was real honest and open with someone, if I was vulnerable with them, I would lose them. So over time, no matter what relationship I was in, I would often be that person that would just let the little things slide. But the problem with that is, these little things would just bottle up inside of me and then at the worst time, they would explode.
Bottling Things Up
The more I bottle things up, the more anger that I felt and the more frustrated that I was, saying things that I did not mean. So when this came into my intimate relationships, I would have a really hard time saying how I really felt, because I would actually believe that my partner would break up with me. However, when you’re vulnerable with the right people, this is actually the only way that you can feel a deeper connection with them. What I also learned from a researcher named Brené Brown who talks all about shame and vulnerability, is that there’s one thing that gets in the way of being vulnerable… And you know what that is? Shame. Believing that there’s something wrong with you because of something you did, or because of who you are. Highly sensitive people often feel a lot of shame just for having the label of being too sensitive. For highly sensitive people it might look like extreme judgment of yourself, and then fear that other people are gonna judge, criticize or misunderstand you. What Brené Brown taught me is that vulnerability is what allows us to feel connected as a human species.
But if we want to be more vulnerable and open, then we’re gonna have to make friends with shame. For most of my life I didn’t even know what shame was. That wasn’t even a word in my vocabulary. I knew guilt really well but I really didn’t know what shame was. The question is… How do you make friends with shame? Brené says… When you accept the darkest parts of yourself, no one can use that against you. No one can judge you, no one can criticize you, and no one can hurt you. You are the creator of your story. So only you can write the ending. If you wanna make friends with shame, you have to write the end of your story. So as a review, don’t let things bottle up. Just know that there is always a way to say things from a place of love. And if you’re someone who experiences shame from things that happened in your past, remember, only you can write the ending of your story. And when you accept all parts of yourself, no one, not no one can use that against you.
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